Category: Casual Villainry

Casual Villainry Excerpt – Diplomacy

Diplomacy 

Name: Endrall 

Position: Ultimate Diplomat 

Cycle: 7-1150 

Subject: First (True) Contact 

Szazavi! 

Well… I finally gained enough confidence in my Kenduthern to go to the village myself and attempt to start off some friendly relations proper. I’d be dumb to not have expected the reaction I got the third time over; I knew once I decided to choose this path that it was going to take a lot of patience. All breakthroughs do, and honestly getting a few words in is a step up from running away and posturing menacingly. Being a slime, you’d think I’d be more mindful of my body language. We’ll call that another part of learning and keep it in mind for the future.  

So, yeah, I tried to properly introduce myself and in response I got acquainted by the futile slashing of weapons and unimpressive wielding of magic. I would say it’s a good thing I went out of my way to vent a detonation beforehand but honestly going in with the mindset I did, I didn’t really get angry at the assault this time. Frieda wasn’t there with me so nothing was being threatened by their attacks. I just kind of felt embarrassed for them, doing their best to slay the monster who had entered their village by essentially flailing as any immature creature might. From my perspective, anyways.  

I suppose I’m being a hypocrite since I’m not trained to use weapons nor have I hazarded trying to wield controlled magic myself. For all I know it could all be far more difficult than it looks. Maybe I can use that as a bonding point! How hard could it be to convince them to teach a monster, who they hate, how to effectively be even more dangerous? That one’s a little far off, huh. Something to work up to, after I convince them that I can do positive things for them and their world. Back on the Event Horizon, Balvae told me that breaking tasks down into doable chunks is the best way to go about things. Needless to say, she didn’t want me to pick up the general work ethic of the ship.  

The doable chunk for this visit was announcing my name and saying that I would return the next day. If I have any technical understanding of psychology, which is a suspicious claim at best, then them know I have a name should make me feel less monstrous to them. From their perspective, they are the ‘we’ and I am the ‘they’, what I need to do is bridge that gap. I need to become a ‘we’, or at least get close enough to reach out. Thankfully, I have arms which are very good at reaching out.  

Tomorrow the plan is to bring them something. I still don’t have a lot of knowledge about the village as a whole, including what they’re lacking and what they’d want. With so many heroes, people who are moving around a lot and doing physical work, they might be struggling to provide proper sustenance? Really wishing I knew how to replicate the victual generator (known to me as the cuisine machine) from the Event Horizon right about now. Knew I should have paid more attention to mechanics, Geralt always seemed like he meant good but there was something weird about him. 

It seems like the Kendutherners don’t eat creatures which they consider monsters, which I can understand based on the mutations a lot of them have. Since a lot of them are magically charged and have bodies built to keep magic in instead of letting it flow through, it’s possible that eating a monster’s flesh could cause an unwanted evolutionary effect somewhere in the digestive system. Given my body I’m not sure how accurate that theory is but I imagine it’s not something they’d want to risk. This would make their food supply limited, assuming they don’t have a way of making food in the village. I wish I knew more about food and what’s conventionally edible.  

You know, maybe a food offering isn’t what I should be fishing for. For all I know I could be serving them something which their bodies are totally unequipped to handle. I’m pretty much working off of the assumption that they just stuff any non-monster wildlife into their mouths and the process from there is internal. I’ve seen Frieda eat plants but only some plants and I really have no clue what’s going on there. Yeah, alright, food is a bad idea.  

If I knew how to make equipment that would be a good path to go. From what I’ve observed, not all of the heroes have the same quality of weapons and protective wear. Some of them are making due with some really pitiful materials which offer no advantage in a fight at all. I can surmise that, with the high number of heroes being gathered up, they simply don’t have the resources to properly equip all of them or fully fix what gets broken by monsters. Problem is, I don’t have those resources nor do I have the skills to do anything about it. If the wall I’m trying to get past is the heroes, though, this would be the perfect in.  

Really starting to wish I didn’t say I was going to come back tomorrow. Even though I’m sure they’d be happy if I didn’t, I’m not doing myself any favors by going back on that statement. The best option for me right now might actually be to go back and awkwardly announce that I’ll come back in another cycle or so after I learn what I need to about equipment. Great, here I am scribbling down about how embarrassed I was for them but I’ve just made a situation where I’m going to embarrass myself. This sucks.  

The last thing I want to do is rush things, though. Sizable chunks, it’s fine if I have to take my time and put a bit of effort into this. Just being a strong slime isn’t going to solve all my problems and, honestly, that makes me so glad. Knowing my existence doesn’t just have to lean on my origin, there are still things I can learn and use to improve and progress. More ways for me to define myself as Endrall.  

Well, before I go and make a fool of myself I’m going to talk to Frieda about plants.