Position: Laboratory D-F technician
Subject: Self-Reflection I
And what do you have to say for yourself?
You wanted to be taken seriously but went out of your way to do something so embarrassing? Lost yourself in fanaticism, underwent absurd self-modifications and pretended you were some chosen mortal? You’re just like everyone else, the only thing special about you is your utter selfishness. Even Geralt came out and admitted everything to you, about how he looked down on everyone and how he prioritized himself over the project. You saw yourself in that. You responded by turning up your nose and saying “well, I thought it was something like that”. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot.
You’ve been watching over Endrall, seeing her bring out the humanity in all the tired souls aboard the vessel. You saw yourself in her, too, she’s the hopeful and positive person you could have been. You see her taking control of her identity and take the pain of being an experiment like it’s nothing and you feel so much pride that you refuse to admit. Geralt offered you the chance to fix yourself and you blew it. You held on to your wings, even knowing you can never use them to fly.
Do you remember what the first idea you publicized was, all the way back in the first cycle? You wanted to make mech suits. You were so excited about the idea but all the conflicts regarding cybernetics made you lose sight of it completely. You were a hypocrite, you pushed your ideas onto others while citing Ryker’s order to aid each other, but at least you were willing to do that. Where are you now? Sat on a lonely perch with no results of your own to speak of. You gave up your porcelain smile for a goal that amounted to nothing. The world you came from always recovered from its disasters but it seems you inherited none of that. Your feathers are the shattered pieces of what you once were.
Well, now you’re just typing things trying to sound cool. Will poetry be your new hobby? It isn’t over yet, you know. Endrall isn’t ready to go out and invoke doomsday, not that you believe she will. No one else is close to a breakthrough, not that you believe they’ll come to one. You have time. You can still show the bravery that Geralt did. You can still build those mechs. You can still be a good example for her. If no one else deserves it, she does at least.