It was going so well (Private)
Name: Quinn Osannus
Position: Laboratory D-F technician
Subject: When to give up I
Here to speak to yourself again, are you?
Maybe you should make yourself an AI to talk to, Quinn. One to remind you what you’re working towards, one who won’t dip the moment things start becoming rocky. I lost Balvae and I lost everyone else, I wanted to be taken seriously and now no one’s even looking at me. I can’t blame them, my shortcomings got Ybaxi killed and I wasn’t able to make any progress in organ mechanization in several cycles. Why would anyone follow a woman who’s just pathetically scratching at a wall? I’m the only one who’s too stubborn to cut my loses and go over to that big bang project everyone’s got hopes for.
I can’t even give myself a reason why I’m not sucking it in and going over there. Am I just being petty because I don’t like Geralt? Do I really not believe in the success of that project? What has me so enamored with cybernetics that this is the hill I choose to die on? It was a plan that hinged on its success, its two potential results were infinite time or a waste of time. The longer it took for success to come, the more people started to see the project as the latter. We’re supposed to be objective thinkers who have decided that ending the universe is the correct course of action to take and, with that mindset, I get why the cybernetics seem like a failure.
Some nights I dream. Dreams of Theorn, a world which was struck by disaster after disaster. My people were eradicated more than once throughout the world’s history, yet it never become desolate enough that evolution wouldn’t end up bringing us back. Until, by some miracle, we survived one of the disasters. That’s how the current generation came to be, one raised to believe that it was a deity who saved us. We were taught that we wouldn’t face any more disasters and that we, as the favored generation, would be the ones to escape the world and find the path to the deity’s realm.
It wasn’t true. We continued to live bright-eyed and hopeful until the next disaster came and wiped out a vast majority of the population. Our only fortune was that we had become advanced enough that we could keep at least a few of us safe from it. It became clear that there was no path to the deity’s realm, and with that fact came desperation. Some accepted it and strived to perfect the anti-disaster methods so that we could save more people come the next apocalypse. Others still yearned for that divine realm, so they decided to take a girl and use their knowledge of cybernetics to turn her into an angel. The idea was that the deity would see the angel on our world and open up the way to their realm to let her in. When that happened, we would go with her.
It didn’t pan out like that, obviously. There still wasn’t any pathway to the deity’s realm, yet those who believed one would come didn’t give in. They stubbornly held on to that belief long after it hit the point of madness and because of that a war began between them and the ones who had discarded the belief. We didn’t need the universe to help us, we became our own self-made disaster. The girl who had been made an angel saw this and came to a conclusion. That no path to the deity’s realm opened because we didn’t deserve it. The only salvation for us would be a true extermination, one we could never come back from.
She is who I dream of. She is who I want to become. There can’t be any more suffering or disaster if there is no life left to suffer or create suffering. A divine realm is a dead one, so I will be the one to purify this universe. The girl on Theorn was an angel, a complete cyborg, so I will go a step further. Become more advanced, more powerful; an archangel.