Social struggle (Private)
Name: Balvae Astradahma
Position: Head of Biology
Subject: Exasperation I
Two cycles in and I really feel like I didn’t know what I was signing up for when I became the head of this field. I always dreamt of a leading role where people would listen to me and I could make change but this is just so DIFFICULT. You’re ignored if you’re not a leader and rebelled against if you are, there’s just no winning! Guess it’s just a big reminder of why I’m here in the first place, trying to play the role of genocidal maniac. That role is just so tiring though, can’t we just, like, be NORMAL while we’re concocting our big supervillain scheme?! Quinn brought it up to me earlier in the cycle and it’s been on my mind ever since, how much everyone is scrambling to wear a mask because that’s what they’ve always done. Are we really all so content to just die like that? Still just pretending, playing roles and never having genuine smiles on our faces? Don’t we deserve a little better before we watch it all burn? For once?
Life is such a beautiful thing in theory. There are so many vibrant and wonderful things in this existence, yet they’re all so outweighed by the grossness of everything else. Cute creatures have their necks torn out, plants rot and wither and disease exists in just about everything. Not to mention the worst of it all, the evolved species like ourselves who have the wondrous ability to ruin everything we touch. Societies always flawed, led by the selfish and sociopathic and never, never learning how to change before the next age of depression. History always repeating, whether it’s recorded or not. Wonder how the people aboard this ship would react to my thesis about how there’s no such thing as ‘intelligent’ life? Guess I’ll never know since the social relations team has promoted this mentality where we’re meant to keep our heads down and pretend we hate each other. It’s not that two-dimensional! Just because we want to destroy everything doesn’t mean we hate everything! That kind of stereotyping is another one of the flaws of supposedly intelligent life, because literally every race does it. We don’t see individuals; we see genders, we see skin colors, we do everything we can to put people into categories and it’s tiring and frustrating.
This isn’t just the case on my world either, oh no, this is consistent on every planet with advanced life which I’ve studied. My time on this vessel has only further affirmed this train of thought. On no world have I seen a society where everyone gets to be respected as an individual. There are always borders and classes and discrimination and it’s just as abominable every time. If life on our level is meant to be intelligent then it’s our role to take care of the existence around us using our understanding. Yet, if we can’t even take care of ourselves, then we’ll much sooner bring it to ruin. That’s why I was brought here I think, to give the universe a swift and merciful death instead of watching it get tangled in ropes and slowly strangle itself.
Well, regardless of my feelings, the task of universal destruction isn’t easy for anyone. We all have reasons for why we got to this point, I just hope we’ll eventually become comfortable enough to share those reasons with each other. I have a leading role now and failing to use that properly would make me more than a little hypocritical. I need to be the one who makes the change I want to see and I believe Quinn is already planning on doing the same. I have a lot of respect for her, being so proactive in an environment like this. She’s an inspiration, an example for what I have to be for everyone in my field. I want everyone to get the chance to breathe a sigh of relief before we reach the peace we deserve.